Only Half of The Bed: Trying To Be Whole On That Half

Author:  Adria McClanahan

Life’s experiences are what they are, experiences. However, they somehow fight to define you and keep you locked within those windows and doors, ceilings and floors of excitement, joy, desire, love, pain and terror that they will certainly bring. The key is to recognize the potential trap versus the actual trap of staying in that “house” of “Experience.” All this while looking out of the windows of truth and opening the double, effectual doors of hope and acceptance.

My experience of Divorce may be similar in many ways to others who are facing the Loss and “The Living Death” that is Divorce. It strips you down to your barest identity so that no one including you would be able to recognize it. The “Why’s and Why not’s” and the “Who did what & why’s”, are irrelevant. At the core of it is PAIN!! It screams out as it takes occupancy of your “House” it rearranges furniture and fixtures, redefines boundary lines of your heart and your thinking and it paralyzes you in ways you never expected.

After 27 years of marriage, sleeping in the bed by myself was one of the most difficult aspects to adjust to. “The LiIMG_5760ving Death” had moved into my bedroom and I could not evict it. I’ve always slept on the side of the bed that was furthest from the bedroom door. My Husband always slept on the side closest to the door because he was my Protector. He guarded the room from that spot and guarded the house from that room. A husband and wife’s heart or deepest place of their home, is the bedroom; it is sacred, Holy and undefiled. Yet when the unwanted tenant of death, Spiritual, emotional, physical or relational death, moves in, it sells the “Love Deed of Trust” to another lender called PAIN. Needless to say, I now sleep on the side that my husband slept on and the other half of the bed is literally un-made! I may throw the blanket over the bed to make it look acceptable but underneath, it is un-made; no flat or fitted sheet is on “his” side of the bed. I now have to fight to exist, Survive and eventually thrive at, being whole on half of what I was.

I realized about half way through the PAIN which was about three and a half years, that if I don’t kick that PAIN out on it’s
“you know what”, I was going to die in it. I remember a great movie from the nineties called The Shawshank Redemption and there was a line in that movie that got me to sit up in my bed of PAIN. “Get busy living or get busy dying!” I know God was speaking through that, and it was out loud. I was not watching the movie at that time, I just heard The Holy Spirit Say it to me, Get busy living or Get busy dying”! He then spoke to my Spirit. “ There is purpose in this and I have more for you to do!” I got out of the bed then. I had to make a choice to serve PAIN a “Quit Claim Deed” I had to choose to do the work of The Word instead of just reading The Word. (It cannot be a cliché’ or what sounds good. The Lord and His WORD must become Life and Breath to you if you are to truly and effectively conquer PAIN and LOSS in any form. He Is Sovereign, No one is to be put in The Lord’s Place, He deserves all of our hearts not just a space set aside for HIM. As I began to Worship as never before, He became my focus and HE will become yours over and above any and all circumstances and experiences.

According to James 1:2 we are to, and I chose to, Count it all Joy, my brothers and sisters, a whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. I began to seek God as never before. I am so hungry for Him more than my food.

He is everything to me and I know that The Lord IS my Husband and The Best one I have EVER had! We spend time together, going to dinner, laughing, singing and just being in HIM brings Peace. In James 4:8 we are encouraged to Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

I am still working on making the other side of my bed but on my half, I have All of God within me! It’s nice to know, I’m not alone. I found my home in God’s Arms


Abba Father you are all that I need and I Pray that you are more than enough in everything that we may all go through, be more than enough as I cry, laugh or when I am in PAIN and deeply hurting, Please become more than enough to me and for me.


One Response

  1. Aishah Davis
    Aishah Davis at |

    Adria, this article is full of such wisdom and reflection. You have documented the transition from marriage to divorce with the perfect analogy. Wow, what a difference 3 years made. God will continue to guide you on your journey. You will find more strength and comfort in Him. God Bless You My Friend!
    Aishah 😃


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